I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize