I accidentally had phone sex last night
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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