is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
