Who wears a wallet chain?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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