So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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