So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
