she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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