I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
