I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
