Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
