Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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