I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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