I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
