Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
