Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
