Tell her she can't have a vagina
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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