porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
