I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
