Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
