I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
