I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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