I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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