He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
