please come you make the beer taste better
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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