i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
