you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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