I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
