you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
