Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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