You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
