I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
