Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
