Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
