TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize