Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
