i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
