my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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