Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she looked like the before picture.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
