Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
