This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
