btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
