Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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