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My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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