After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
