I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
