the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
