its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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