My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
