I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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