speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can you bring me the toilet please
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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