i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
