Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
