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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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