I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
where are my eyebrows?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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