ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
