i don't like sucking hair
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
