No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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