i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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