Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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