well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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