help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
