True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if only i could text you this smell
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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