i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
