it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You made out with two different species that night
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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