sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
