God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
