I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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