Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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