Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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