in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
